Your Quarters Worth

Your Quarter’s Worth Guide To Creating Your Holiday Wish List

Happy holidays, geeks.

The turkeys have been slaughtered and since been digested. Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday and Two For Tuesday are all but subsided.

Now it’s time to sit back, relax and reflect on what we really want out of life.

Well, maybe not out of life, but at least from our significant others and moms as we head into the year ending gift giving holidays. And there’s no better way to communicate our desires than in list form.

And for those of us who don’t have partners or parents that still spoil us into our late thirties and forties, there’s no reason we can’t derive some self-satisfaction out of creating a list of things we want and may even buy for ourselves. . .because why not?

Either way 5280 Geek has you covered. We’ve got a fool-proof holiday wish list system that has been tested and perfected.

We’ll show you what belongs on your list, how to order and organize it, even what font and text sizes best relay the message Buy me something on this list instead of whatever dumb crap you were gonna buy me when left to your own devices.

Without further delay, here it is. Your Quarter’s Worth Guide To Creating Your Holiday Wishlist. Enjoy.

Step One: Assess The Situation

Look around your home. What are you not seeing that should be there? Do you have dishes, a couch, toilet paper, etc.? As you find the missing items write them down. It doesn’t matter where you write them. This is just the brainstorming phase. However, if you decide to pen them on your pet or child be aware you may have to chase them down when it’s time to compose your list.

Have you seen a friend, family member, neighbor, coworker, or absolute stranger with something and felt jealous rage well up in your loins? Maybe it was a video game console, a Tesla SUV, or an iPhone 12? Write these down as well.

Next, consider anything else you’ve decided you need, must have, really want, kind-of want, want just a little, and anything you saw once and thought was cool even if you don’t really know what it does, but were intrigued by it anyway. Write those down too.

Finally, type random combinations of letters into your web browser’s shopping feature and see what comes up. You never know what you don’t have until you know what else is out there.

It’s your list. You can put anything you want on it.

Step Two: Compose Your Holiday Wish List

Find a scroll. . .a very long one.

No scroll? How about a ream of dot matrix printer paper?

Still no luck? An oversized yellow legal pad will do. A word processor document might suffice as well.

Start by coming up with a witty title like John’s Chanukah List or Smurf’s Holiday Demands. You can’t use those specifically, as we’ve already trademarked and purchased the domains of those, but something along those lines will work.

Next, write down everything you came up with during the brainstorm phase. Don’t be shy. This is the step where the magic happens.

Step Three: Create Your Recipient List

You thought your list was serious. Wait until you see the list of people you have to get it in front of. . .

Some send their holiday list to a minimum of those closest to them. That’s a sucker play. Getting as much as possible from your list is a numbers game. The more people you send it to, the more presents you should expect to receive.

Pull up your email contacts. Bring up some tabs with all your social media accounts. Finally, grab your cell phone and pull up the contacts app on that as well. Cut and paste your holiday list into text messages, DMs, and social media posts until your fingers hurt. Take a short break and do it some more.

Next print about fifteen hundred copies of the list and canvass your home and work’s surrounding areas. Make sure a good mailing address is on the top and bottom of your list. Rinse and repeat with follow-ups and a follow-ups to the follow-ups for best results.

Step Four: Watch The Gifts Roll In

If you followed steps one through three to the T you’ll receive so many presents you won’t even know what to do with them all. You’ll literally be swimming through Amazon boxes like Scrooge McDuck just to get up to your front door.

The inside of your house is about to look like a UPS hub. You’ll have some much new stuff you’ll be a shoo-in for next season’s premiere episode of Hoarders.

That’s it. Four relatively simple steps to create a first world holiday wish list.

You’re about to become the envy/bane of your neighborhood as you cruise on your hoverboard in your battery-operated heated winter coat and Big Baller kicks.

We hope you enjoyed this edition of Your Quarter’s Worth. Next up is another edition of The Cut where we’ll help you offload some of your newly acquired unnecessary possessions.

Until then, stay geeky.

Written by John Andreula.


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