The Top 10 Superpowers We’re Expecting Now That We’ve Had COVID Vaccines
Written by John Andreula
Edited by Kodid Laraque-Two Elk
Congratulations, America. We’re getting Coronavirus vaccinations en masse.
After administering over 250 million doses of rushed to market, non-FDA approved COVID-19 vaccines, we’ve once again proven our bestitude on a world scale.
Now that the government and their corporate overlords have injected super-serum into a third of the American population’s bloodstreams we’re forced to play a game of wait and see.
Will we gain new superpowers from the injections? Or is this just the beginning of a real life zombie story?
At the very least we’re hoping to survive the COVID-19 pandemic and not kill too many other people in the process.
We’re optimistic here at 5280 Geek. We believe that when we lined up for shots we were also in queue for new superhuman abilities. That’s what this week’s Your Quarter’s Worth is all about.
Here is The Top 10 Superpowers We’re Expecting Now That We’ve Had COVID Vaccines:
#10 Rapid Healing
Since we’ve all transitioned to more cooking at home and careers in manual labor.
We won’t ever have to put up with delays or layovers again!
#8 Super Speed
In and out of the supermarket, home improvement superstore, and library in under fifteen minutes.
#7 Photographic Memory
Maybe it will help us remember what the hell blockchain is?
Can’t see us.
#5 Hulk Strength
Finally get the damn lid off this jar.
Taller ya’ll. . .
What’s easier than thinking about what we want and having it show up on our doorsteps moments later?
Finally figure out this whole cryptocurrency thing.
. . .To COVID-19 at least.
The list could go on for days—or at least until we run out of geekified comic book inspirations. We selected the ones that could make the most difference in the world, our earning potential, or personal entertainment.
Pick one or a few for yourself. Then when you go in for your own first dose, second dose, or inevitable booster be sure to ask the nurses and intake professionals for the ones you’ve selected.
That’s it for now. Stay safe and geeky out there while we all wait for herd immunity or the first real world zombie outbreak. And if there’s still a world and internet afterwards, we’ll see you on the next one.
John Andreula is a neutral good, fire bending, Dragon of the Earth who has yet to reach Super Saiyan, but is actively pursuing the level in his Kung Fu training. John’s also an occasionally paid writer, adventurer, reformed collector and salesman of things. He enjoys long walks in nature with his family, naps, and most geeky things.
More of his hacky content is available at MovingOnUpwards.com
And check him on Insta @JohnAndreulaWritesStuff