Your Quarters Worth

Hot Geeks Drink Whatever Milk They Want

A coworker leaned over to me. “Did you hear hot girls are back to drinking whole milk?”

Excuse me?, I replied.

“No, really, they’re ditching alternative milks and putting whole milk in their coffee again.

Apparently this is a yet another in the long line of viral things I am blissfully unaware of. I still don’t even know what the milk crate challenge is.

That friend said I should write about this hot girl whole milk thing in Your Quarter’s Worth this week, but I’m not about to do that. I mean, c’mon.

First of all, this is obviously just a kitschy idea concocted by some hipster blogger out of New York who probably got a few hundred bucks from someone in the dairy industry. I wasn’t about to push their agenda further.

Second, the 5280 Geeks don’t give a damn what kind of milk these so-called hot girls are putting in their coffees. Our geeks either never switched to oat, almond, or whatever-have-you milk, or they did so only because of their lactose intolerance.

5280 Geeks are counter-culture. We adopt our way of life long before it becomes socially accepted my the mainstream–see San Diego Comic Con, Marvel Comics, video games, etc…

I tipped the cow milk years ago.

Each time I had a bowl or a glass I came away feeling filled up on mucus. I knew I was probably lopping days of my life expectancy by drinking the stuff, considering all the added growth hormones, antibiotics, and carcinogens. Plus tissues are expensive.

Maybe if whole milk came from cows in outer space or these strange animals inherently produced chocolate milk, I might buy in, but what ‘hot girls’ think should go in our cereal or coffee will never move that same needle.

We geeks don’t rush out to buy the latest designer trends recently featured in Vanity Fair. Instead, we sport our One Punch Man t-shirt and maybe a stuffed animal backpack.

It’s good to be a geek and to not give a damn what some self-proclaimed ‘hot’ girl’s opinion is of what kind of mylk or milk belongs in our coffee.

We’re just going to do it our own way anyway. Some wannabe European New Yorkers don’t set trends here in Colorado, even if the rest of the herd is udderly all about that whole milk.

Written by John Andreula. Edited by Kodid Laraque-Two Elk.

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